".. I guess you can say it happened when I panicked.. I suddenly had tunnel vision..

I was sweating profusely.. honestly.. I am not sure if it was because of my nervousness,

or because fifteen people were staring at me.. but I swear.. the second I saw his

face.. I knew.."

you knew what?

"..I knew I had nothing to fear.. imagine the worst things about yourself..

now imagine there is a person in the world you completely trust.. 

and that very person loves even the things you hate about yourself..

I had nothing to fear.. what I felt ashamed of.. he taught me to love..

he changed me.. he made me feel alive again.. he made me fall in love.. and not just with him..

but with myself again.. I still thank God everyday he is here.. because now..

I could be standing in front of 15.. 100.. even 1,000 people..

and it wouldn't matter.. what he has brought to my life is.. is..

love.. pure and unconditional love.. I stopped caring about judgmental expressions on the faces 

of strangers.. I am loved.. every single part or me.. I have nothing to fear.."

I love you so much!

Hello my love!

Today was such a long day.. I really hate how busy we both are.. it feels like days since I last talked to you.. I know school is getting harder.. and I don't have days off like I did before.. which makes this even more difficult.. but I am still here for you.. whenever you need me.. I miss you so so much Robert.. 

Love is the voice under all silences,

the hope which has no opposite in fear;

the strength so strong mere force is feebleness:

the truth more first than sun,

more last than star..

I love you so much 

Hello my love!

I read over some of the letters you wrote me.. and some of our old conversations we had on Skype.. it brought me to tears.. I miss you so damn much.. some days it is difficult to express.. today was a little rainy and gloomy so the street I work on was not as busy and for some reason all I could think about was the day we spent at the park.. it was a random sunny afternoon.. I wanted to go for a drive and you took me to frank boneli park.. it was such a beautiful day.. we just sat and talked on the bench that overlooked the water.. I can't remember why.. but you began to tell me the most beautiful things.. about how you felt about me and what you wanted for us.. but every time I think back on that day I get butterflies and wish I could just go back.. I swear in that moment it seemed like everything stood still.. and the look you gave me as you were holding me.. I miss it.. for some reason it is days like these that make the distance difficult.. looking back at pictures.. and reading over all your loving words.. all I want in moments like these.. is to have another one of those days with you.. 

The last picture is from that day.. I took it right before we went to the car.. you may not remember which day I am talking about.. but I loved every single second of it.. 

I watched the rain today;

studied close, as it

collied 

with the pavement,

and dispersed,

and it

reminded me

of the way I 

fell into you;

helplessly

hopelessly

and entirely;

the whole 

of myself,

crashing down and becoming

lost in you,

while your attention was

 occupied by every other

drop of water

that floated

so lightly 

down

to kiss your skin.

I love you so much.

Hello my love!

I heard this quote today and I thought of you.. "I am something new." You must tell yourself. "I am the beginning and end of a story that will never be lived again. I am new earth and new air and new words. I am fresh as birth. I am significant." How beautiful! It made me think of the journey you are on right now towards your dreams.. What you bring to every new adventure you take on is special.. I hope you never forget that..

If there ever comes a day when

we can't be together, keep me in your

heart, I'll stay there forever.

I love you so much

Hello my love..

It has been a while.. I miss you in ways that may seem difficult to understand right now.. I had this thought today.. when things get difficult I believe it is important to continuously show effort.. and not dwell on the things we cannot control.. or things that make us upset.. instead work towards a more positive future and learn to forgive and move on from our mistakes.. I feel further from you than ever.. but I made the mistake before by taking the distance as fuel to fight.. I am so sorry I did that to you.. I am still learning from all my mistakes I made and all my immature actions I took when I lost my temper.. Every day I am sincerely trying to be a better person for us and also myself.. I really am trying.. I still wish I could take back all those harsh words I said to you in anger.. I was reading over all the past posts I sent to you and I got extremely emotional.. I have no idea where the time went from the last post up to now.. and how much has changed.. we were so happy and I would love to get back to that.. I know it will not be easy.. so I decided to start writing to you again.. I know you are incredibly busy.. I believe it is important for you to know that even in my busiest of days I will take time for you.. You deserve it.. I made you a promise and I never should have broke it.. I know trust is the most important part of any relationship for you.. so I am hoping with pictures throughout my day and time spent writing to you.. it will serve as a small step in gaining your trust again.. and a more positive future.. 

I love you,

I always have.

With each day that passes,

I promise to be the best for us.

My best friend, my love, my life.

I love you so much.