Hello my love!

I can't wait to see you tomorrow! I am so excited! You have been on my mind all day today.. I love you Robert so so much.. and no matter how many little disagreements we get into.. I will always have unconditional love for you.. sometimes when I have time to just sit and think about us.. I feel calm and at ease.. you have absolutely no idea how comforting it is just hearing your voice after a long day.. or how much happiness you bring me when I wake up to you in the morning.. it is the little things that you do that make me feel so special and loved every day. Just remember something for me.. I just want to make you happy.. I just want to be your best friend.. I will make a few mistakes along the way.. so please be patient with me.. and also.. please get plenty of rest tonight because I finally get to see you tomorrow night my love! 

'When the evening shadows and the stars appear,

and there is no one there to dry your tears,

I could hold you for a million years

to make you feel my love.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,

and I'd go crawling down the avenue.

No, there is nothing that I wouldn't do

to make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea

and on the highway of regret.

The winds of change are blowing wild and free,

You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.

Nothing that I wouldn't do.

Go to the ends of the earth for you.

To make you feel my love.

To make you feel my love.'

I love you so much!

Hello my love!

I forgot to tell you about the conversation I had with an elderly man that lives in San Clemente.. he actually talked to me about how important love is for people.. he has been married for over 50 years.. and as a business man one of his greatest investments was and still is the time he spends with his wife.. in his words love is the most precious gift one can ever receive.. he grew up thinking money and a big house would make him happy and feel accomplished until he met the love of his life.. "Love. In this life money seems to be the answer to everything we need. Love cannot be purchased. Love is a personal investment, one of the most important investments a person will ever make!" It might sound crazy.. but as he was explaining this love he has I thought of us.. how we are both investing everything we have for each other.. My love you are my greatest investment! 

True love

is 

nature's true

gift.

I love you so much.

Hello my love!

You shared something with me today.. and I thought about it for hours.. one day I promise I will let go of all my insecurities.. all of my shy tendencies.. and realize that we are one person.. I guess for the longest time I held on to this fear I had.. I was always scared to completely let go and share everything.. I was scared to see how you would react to "me" so I kept to myself.. the more time I have to just sit and think about us the more I realize my fears are the only thing holding me back from you.. I do not want anything coming between us.. or holding us back from completely loving each other.. I want to feel free from these annoying fears I have.. so that all I have ever had and will have can be loved by you.. entirely. I will let go of everything so that you will never have to hear the word "try" again.. I promise you Robert..

'It was rather 

beautiful: the way he

put her insecurities to

sleep.

The way he dove into

her eyes and starved

all of her fears

and tasted all the 

dreams she kept

coiled beneath her 

bones.'

I love you so much.

Hello my love!

I wanted to share something with you.. I was looking through our book of memories today and I found something that seriously brought tears to my eyes.. this was written in July of 2012.. "You are someone I could never ever forget. I don't even plan to let you go. You've balanced me as a person and you've shown me perfection. There is so much more you have done for me, Amanda. You give me this feeling that makes me want to never leave you alone. I want to tell you thank you for being you and honestly everything I have said and more can be summed up.. I want to sum up how I feel about you, so here it is:

I love you Amanda!"

I love you so damn much! Yes Robert.. you do have a way with words.. That letter was from my birthday two years ago.. when you asked me to be your girlfriend.. You have honestly showed me what it means to be completely happy.. and to love and be loved.. In these past two years I have had the best days of my life because they were spent with you.. I am so thankful for you Robert.. 

'Because of you

I can

fell myself

slowly

but

surely

becoming the me

I

have always dreamed

of being'

I love you so much.

Hello my love!

I was thinking today about all of those conversations we had about how important it is to set our phones aside when we are together.. you take for granted all the time that you spend playing on your phone and not talking when you are with someone.. until you are miles a part and the only way you can talk to them is over that very phone.. I know sometimes it may seem like I need you to communicate with me every hour of the day.. it is only because I miss you.. I know how busy you are and I am starting to see the amount of work you have to do everyday.. so do not worry our little Skype dates are absolutely perfect.. you have no idea how much I look forward to them.. so even if our time is limited just knowing you love and care about me.. is all I will ever need.. my love, you are what makes me happy.. every single day!

'As I think about you day and night

you are the best words put together

you are my light that lets me see

you are my inspiration that gets me through the day

you are my reason why I smile

You are the thoughts in my mind

you are the lyrics that make me sing

you are my alarm that I wake up for

you are the food I will never get tired of

you are my ocean that I will swim forever in

you are worth all the time in the world

I had a dream and a prayer and had a lot of things,

but now I have you.

I have everything.

You are my everything.'

I love you so much.

Hello my love!

I want to be part of your life. I really do.. I am starting to take small steps to show you.. I know our conversation today didn't really go as planned but I am going to show you how much you mean to me.. I realize my shyness holds me back from doing the things I want to do..but I am learning to get past that.. be patient with me.. I know what is important to you and what you need.. and I promise you it will be done. Your happiness means so much to me.. so believe me when I say I am trying.. I hope your are having fun with your friends! 

'No matter what

I'll be there

When the world turns it's back to you

I'll hold my hand out

When you turn your back on the world

I'll be here.. waiting

When you look up at the sky and see nothings

I'll give you the sun

When you hate yourself completely

I'll show you what love is

When everything just overwhelms you

I'll hold you till nothing else

matters

No matter what 

I'll be there'

I love you so much.

Hello my love!

I missed you so much today.. I know you are probably asleep already but I had some late night thoughts that I wanted to share with you.. I was looking through all of our pictures over these past two years and how much we both have changed.. from our very first picture in your backyard.. and the frank ocean concert.. the last photo I have of us is from my birthday weekend.. sometimes I like to just sit and look through all the wonderful memories we have created.. I find myself smiling at how happy we both look in all of them.. we have grown and have been through so much together.. I forgot to tell you that my mom called me today because she wanted to know how you were doing.. she hopes you are doing well and wanted to talk to you but I think she got a little shy.. the Perez family loves and supports you! I still pray for you everyday and hope you are happy.. I can't wait to see you next week! By the way.. this is one of my favorite poems.. good night my love.. and if it is morning by the time you read this.. I hope you have an amazing day.. I love you!

'When two souls fall in love, there is nothing

else but the yearning to be closer to the 

other. The presence that is felt through a 

hand held, a voice heard, or a smile seen.

Souls do not have calendars or clocks, nor

do they understand the notion of time or

distance. They only know it feels right 

to be with one another.

This is the reason why you miss someone 

so much when they are not there even

if they are only in the next room.

Your soul only feels their absence

it does not realize the separation is 

temporary.

Can I ask you something?

-Anything.

Why is it every time we say goodnight, it feels like goodbye?'

I love you so much.

Hello my love!

Today has been a very long day for you.. but before the day is over I want you to remember how much I love and care about you.. "You are my husband. I will take care of you.. I will listen.. I will argue, fight, laugh, play and love you.. For better or worse.." I hope one day I can be your strength when things get tough.. and always show you love when you need to feel "at home" I hope my efforts to show you that I bring you wherever I go make you feel more involved in my daily life.. that you are never really gone.. you are always with me and constantly on my mind.. We may have disagreements but that will never change how I feel about you.. My love for you is unconditional!

'I am fully aware that there are times

where I am too much of a high tide,

when my jealous heart built from years

of proving that I was worthy of 

unworthy people's attention,

threatens 

to split us like a gene.

But look 

at what we have made, this spectacular 

love,

an ecosystem where every organism 

chants your name.'

I love you so much.

Hello my love!

All day today I thought about our conversation from last night.. You need to know that you are the only one for me.. the only person I talk to.. the only person I turn to.. You are my everything! I want you and only you.. each and every single day.. I hope you know that and never question it again.. Even across the country from each other you are still always on my mind and the first person I go to when anything happens.. I'm not sure if you remember this poem I sent you a long time ago.. It was in the book of poems I made you.. for some reason out of all the poems this is the one that stuck with me.. it makes me think of us. With you by my side nothing else matters. 

'I came to the crowd seeking friends

I came to the crowd seeking love

I came to the crowd for understanding

I found you

I came to the crowd to weep

I came to the crowd to laugh

You dried my tears

You shared my happiness 

I went from the crowd seeking you

I went from the crowd seeking me

I went from the crowd forever

you came, too'

I love you so much.

Hello my love!

So just a little food or thought.. Where you invest your love, you invest your life. I love that! I had this long conversation today with my sister (Alexiss) about love and how important it is to feel it everyday.. My life is about you and the love and happiness you make me feel.. So with that.. I hope you always invest your life in things you love. Surround yourself with positive energy everyday and make sure to love unconditionally.. Your life has limited time.. never waste precious moments on things that you do not love.. I know school may not come to mind when I am telling you this but you are investing your life right now into something that will bring you love in the future! I miss you so very much.. and this blog of love is my investment.. for you.. my life.

'I was lost before him.

They say,

in a most infamous quote

that you do not truly find yourself,

until you have lost yourself.

I lost myself,

and in that time found him,

and in him I found myself.'

I love you so much.

Hello my love!

I know today we didn't really get to talk as much as we had hoped for but.. don't you worry.. you were with me all day today! The quote you shared with me today made my day so much better.. thank you for that! "Our attitude are lenses through which we view the world. As such, our attitudes affect how we think, how we behave and even how we feel. Our attitudes can be helpful, destructive or goal defeating. One of the most important steps we can take toward achieving our greatest potential in life is to learn to monitor our attitude and it's impact on our performance, relationships and everyone around us." We both need to try and remember this quote when our days aren't the best and focus on staying positive. Tomorrow is your first week.. I realize things  are going to change now and might look a lot like today.. But! The good news is.. I have made you a promise.. a promise to never stop working towards us.. working towards gaining your trust.. and working on my communication with you.. so as these days a part are passing I hope you are beginning to feel the amount of care and love I have for you that continues to grow.. Robert.. never forget how important you are to me..

'With these hands

and these

fingers

I will reach 

across, over,

under, or through

anything that separates 

you 

from 

me,

I will paint

your face and neck

with tenderness,

I will coat you

in calm.

I will be 

everything

you need

because you 

are everything

to me.'

I love you so much.

Hello my love!

Today you are moving into your new place! I am so excited for you.. I hope that it starts to feel at home soon. I do miss you everyday.. but I like to think a piece of me is there with you.. and you are always with me here. I need you to know that I do understand how important this year is for you and I will always appreciate our little conversations over Skype.. I really am trying to involve you in everything I do here.. I hope you know that and see that.. You have no idea how important you are to me.. Robert you are seriously my best friend.. and the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with..  

'My love for you allows me not to 

judge the way you live

so just remember that whenever you

may feel alone

feel alone

I am here there is nothing to fear

I will be your home

be your home

you're home.'

I love you so much.

Hello my love!

Today as I was sitting on the beach a lovely older couple sat near me.. It made me think of how powerful love truly is! The couple had smiles on their faces the entire time.. holding hands.. walking along the shore together.. These two people.. after so many years still truly enjoy their time together. They have made a world together. The way they looked at one another looked as if they had never seem something so beautiful.. A love so pure and beautiful it was difficult not to notice.. A love I want with you. Forever. 

'The moment

I saw you,

my love,

It was as if

I 

had never seen 

another man

in all my life.

All the faces

of all the men

blended into one blur 

and shipped 

quietly 

out the back door

of my memory. 

When you kissed me,

I swear I 

had never felt another's lips

before, and

never would I 

ever again.'

I love you so much.

Hello my love!

I know today was a busy day for the both of us.. but that doesn't mean there isn't time for us! I thought about you all day today.. I hoped you had a great first day and are enjoying yourself! I know these first few days apart from each other seem easy but I am aware of what is to come in our future.. It may not always be this easy and "our time together" may not be as much as we hope for.. I want you to know that no matter how difficult things get it will never change the amount of love I have for you.. What makes relationships stronger is how they overcome difficult times.. We both need to remember that! For these next few months I need you to not worry about me.. your focus on school is way too important to be distracted with worrying. I promise you my life here is completely dedicated to you.. and I am constantly working on things to help us both. This is your year.. and as your teammate I will gladly cheer you on in this journey. You are my best friend and I love you so much.. Nothing is ever going to come in-between us, I promise you! Everyday my feelings for you grow stronger and stronger. Robert you will always have my heart!

'An inspiration

is what you are 

to me,

and so today my world

it smiles,

your hand in mine,

we walk the miles,

thanks to you

it will be done,

for you to me are 

the only 

one.'

I love you so much.

Hello my love!

So today starts an exciting new chapter in your life.. I would like you to know that you will always have my support no matter what you decide to do.. I will always stand by your side with a smile proudly on my face. With that I would also like to give you some advice.. Remember to make time for yourself every single day.. pray.. meditate.. watch a movie.. or simply smile throughout your day. Do things that make you happy! I know how busy you are and how easy it is for you to go through your day without time to relax.. so please give your body a rest and make time.. I would like you to stop and think about everyone that cares about you.. and how much they believe in you.. When things get difficult just remember how many people are here for you.. with loving words and encouragement.. I would like to take a moment to stop and tell you how proud I am of you.. I believe in your dreams just as much as you do.. and everyday that passes you are getting closer and closer to achieving them.. These past two years I have been watching how hard you work and how dedicated you are with everything you do.. it still amazes me. Robert you are truly incredible! Always believe in yourself my love.

'This morning

the stars folded into the moon,

sunk off in the horizon,

and the sun rose

just for you.

So if you ever feel alone

or doubt your self worth

remember one thing:

galaxies have shifted

just for the chance 

to see you shine.

so shine.'

I love you so much.

Hello my love!

You left something behind! Don't worry I will take good care of it.. but it gave me an idea.. A small piece of you is still with me always and I want to show you that our love will continue to grow stronger no matter how far apart we are from each other.. and I will always have time to show you my love. So with each day that we are apart I will write and share letters of love and a photo of you here with me. This is dedicated to you.. Robert Mathias you will always be with me. 

"What if it is time

and only time

that holds a value

in our lives?

What if it

is what we should be

storing

and saving and locking tight

in safety deposit boxes?

What if it

is what lives behind

the numbers on our checks

and credit cards

and how, yes how,

can we spend it?

I would sell 

all I own and have and built 

for more time 

with you"

I love you so much.