Hello my love!

I did a lot of thinking today.. mostly about my idea of love and what it means to me.. before I met you I've always had this extravagant idea of what love was like.. I had so many scenarios ready to be played out when I met the one to make me feel this picture perfect idea of love.. I thought I knew how to be the perfect girl to match the perfect boy.. I was positive I knew what the perfect kiss would be like.. I believed two people were absolutely destined to be together when they met.. I honestly thought I knew exactly what it took to be in a serious relationship.. Robert when I was seventeen I had so much confidence that my communication skills were perfect.. Then I met you.. I was soo wrong.. I never never been so wrong in my entire life.. you made me realize my idea of love was complete bullshit.. You exceeded all expectations I ever imagined.. for the past few hours I have been stuck... looking through old texts and pictures.. I can honestly say you have changed my life for the better.. I thought I knew it all.. and I had a hard reality check when you moved away.. no one can ever come between you and I.. There are things only we understand.. and are able to articulate.. Long distance is extremely difficult and challenges even the strongest part of all relationships.. Robert the love I only imagined to be true was an imaginary love that had no depth.. what I have with you is something not even the most romantic novels can explain.. what we have is special.. extraordinary.. You are a man that women only dream of in books.. I fortunately get to call you.. The love of my life.. What I had imagined to be true.. seems like a mediocre version of the fairytale I call my life.. I boast about the man I found.. The idea most girls my age have of love is nothing compared to what we have together.. I can honestly say I am blessed.. Just because you are in my life.. Robert Mathias actually loves me.. He looks at me with love in his eyes.. I will be forever grateful.. I only wish you knew.. 

Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in the moment this order's tall

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different kind
'Cause I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love what happened here
Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full, so slow on the split

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
Now all your love is wasted?
Then who the hell was I?
Now I'm breaking at the bridges
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?

Come on skinny love
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my

I promise to always love you 

Hello my love!

It has been a very long time since I've done this.. I honestly wanted to surprise you with this.. It isn't easy being away from you.. after a long summer filled with your presence I couldn't stop the feeling of being lonely taking over me.. I was trying to come up with a new way to show my never ending love for you..I can't be next to you.. so I promise for every night that I am not by your side.. I will send you a letter to read before you rest your head.. i started this the first year you were away from me.. now I want to make sure this last year we are apart I will dedicate each night to you.. I tried coming up with a cute little saying.. a letter a day keeps the doubt away.. but for some reason I hurt my own feelings by using the word "doubt" all jokes aside.. I wanted to do something simple.. spending every night making sure you feel special.. with all my love written out to you.. I know we are complicated and this distance keeps getting to us.. it is your first day back.. I am not ready to be away and worried about you.. I love you so damn much.. Robert you are my first priority from the start or the day to the last hour i am awake.. and I promise to continuously express that to you.. Maybe it is hard to believe now but.. you once said it important to act as husband and wife.. and i will do that.. for the rest of my life.. I love you Robert 

Wise men say
Only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay?
Would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you?

Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand,
Take my whole life, too
For I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand,
Take my whole life, too
For I can't help falling in love with you
For I can't help falling in love with you

I promise to always love you

".. I guess you can say it happened when I panicked.. I suddenly had tunnel vision..

I was sweating profusely.. honestly.. I am not sure if it was because of my nervousness,

or because fifteen people were staring at me.. but I swear.. the second I saw his

face.. I knew.."

you knew what?

"..I knew I had nothing to fear.. imagine the worst things about yourself..

now imagine there is a person in the world you completely trust.. 

and that very person loves even the things you hate about yourself..

I had nothing to fear.. what I felt ashamed of.. he taught me to love..

he changed me.. he made me feel alive again.. he made me fall in love.. and not just with him..

but with myself again.. I still thank God everyday he is here.. because now..

I could be standing in front of 15.. 100.. even 1,000 people..

and it wouldn't matter.. what he has brought to my life is.. is..

love.. pure and unconditional love.. I stopped caring about judgmental expressions on the faces 

of strangers.. I am loved.. every single part or me.. I have nothing to fear.."

I love you so much!

Hello my love!

Today was such a long day.. I really hate how busy we both are.. it feels like days since I last talked to you.. I know school is getting harder.. and I don't have days off like I did before.. which makes this even more difficult.. but I am still here for you.. whenever you need me.. I miss you so so much Robert.. 

Love is the voice under all silences,

the hope which has no opposite in fear;

the strength so strong mere force is feebleness:

the truth more first than sun,

more last than star..

I love you so much 

Hello my love!

I read over some of the letters you wrote me.. and some of our old conversations we had on Skype.. it brought me to tears.. I miss you so damn much.. some days it is difficult to express.. today was a little rainy and gloomy so the street I work on was not as busy and for some reason all I could think about was the day we spent at the park.. it was a random sunny afternoon.. I wanted to go for a drive and you took me to frank boneli park.. it was such a beautiful day.. we just sat and talked on the bench that overlooked the water.. I can't remember why.. but you began to tell me the most beautiful things.. about how you felt about me and what you wanted for us.. but every time I think back on that day I get butterflies and wish I could just go back.. I swear in that moment it seemed like everything stood still.. and the look you gave me as you were holding me.. I miss it.. for some reason it is days like these that make the distance difficult.. looking back at pictures.. and reading over all your loving words.. all I want in moments like these.. is to have another one of those days with you.. 

The last picture is from that day.. I took it right before we went to the car.. you may not remember which day I am talking about.. but I loved every single second of it.. 

I watched the rain today;

studied close, as it

collied 

with the pavement,

and dispersed,

and it

reminded me

of the way I 

fell into you;

helplessly

hopelessly

and entirely;

the whole 

of myself,

crashing down and becoming

lost in you,

while your attention was

 occupied by every other

drop of water

that floated

so lightly 

down

to kiss your skin.

I love you so much.

Hello my love!

I heard this quote today and I thought of you.. "I am something new." You must tell yourself. "I am the beginning and end of a story that will never be lived again. I am new earth and new air and new words. I am fresh as birth. I am significant." How beautiful! It made me think of the journey you are on right now towards your dreams.. What you bring to every new adventure you take on is special.. I hope you never forget that..

If there ever comes a day when

we can't be together, keep me in your

heart, I'll stay there forever.

I love you so much